The Dilettante

I’m a bit of a dilettante, in the modern sense of the word. This realization sunk in earlier today when I saw Wilhelm Arcturus post this great line while reflecting on his time so far with the CFC’s (sorry, Imperium, sorry, The Mittani Club, whatever they are called these days that isn’t Goons) Reaver Special Interest Group:

Some love newbies and dilettantes, others want old hands and dedicated players.

Dilettante as an antonym of dedicated in this sense describes me pretty much to a T. I’ve been around a lot in EVE Online, from Tuskers to Goons to RvB to Signal Cartel to Stay Frosty to E-Uni – there are few major facets of EVE that I haven’t tried out. But, with the possible exception of pirating in low sec back when you could still get ransoms, I’ve never stuck anywhere or developed an expert level of knowledge. I come, I see, I wander away before too long.

The worse part of this is I typically wander away having actually whetted my appetite to try more of that new thing. When Stay Frosty’s parent alliance, A Band Apart, decided to make a go of small gang sovereignty I was there in a heartbeat, because part of me still really wants to make something of myself in nullsec. When RvB announces that they are ending formal operations and everyone starts talking about what comes next, I am pulled towards that in a very real way. I make new characters, I buy new ships, I change the way I play, all in an effort to fill this weird void I have when it comes to playing EVE.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Everywhere I’ve been has actually been really, really cool. I’ve met so many cool people it’s impossible to list them all. But the fact of the matter is I’m a dilettante. I dip my toe in, gain a sometimes superficial knowledge of a playstyle, and then move on.

I’m the same way in real life as well. I’ve done many, many things, both as hobbies and professionally, and never manage to find anything truly satisfying. I have half a dozen outlines for novels ranging from historical to science fiction to fantasy; I’ve done three different podcasts and have ideas for at least two more; I’ve even drafted up a handful of game design documents. Nothing ever gets completed though, as even this blog can attest to.

So what is it? Do I have commitment issues? Or, more specifically, overcommitment issues? Or is the rush of plunging into a new project so alluring that it overshadows the satisfaction of a long, hard slog? I’m not sure nor am I sure I’ll ever know. All I know is it typically leads to regrets.

Right, well, so what’s the point of this post. The point is there is no point but that I’m feeling pretty sad I missed EVE Vegas, sad I don’t have the time to play EVE even casually, and sad that I’ll probably never complete even one of the great EVE related project ideas I have. If only I had the fortitude of a Wilhelm Arcturus, or a Rixx Javix, or a Mynxee. Maybe one day~